I knew the day would come when we would share with our oldest son, “Deuce” about the “birds and the bees”. And I wasn’t excited about it. I knew in doing so, we would take away his innocence. I just wanted him to remain ignorant for the rest of his life and on the eve of his wedding, Markus and I would sit him down and share what was about to happen tomorrow. Wouldn’t that be nice? Ahhh, best laid plans…

But three clues caused Markus and I to realize it was time to give “Deuce” the sex talk.

  • He heard the word “sexy” at school and wondered what the word meant. He also asked for an explanation every time he saw or heard the word, “sex” in the media.
  • “Deuce” asked questions about pregnancy, like, “How do babies get inside a mom?” And pointing to a pregnant woman once asked, “How did she get pregnant?” We’ve always held to the belief, “If they’re old enough to ask, they’re old enough to know.” So, until we were ready to talk with him, our response was always a true one, “A piece of a husband and a piece of a wife come together to make a baby.”
  • A few parenting experts shared with us that kids hear about or are exposed to sex earlier than ever before, thanks in part to smartphones. And if we don’t talk to our kids by the time they are eight years old, their friends will. Age eight. Our son’s age. Holy moly Batman.

So, we spoke with couples who already traversed this road and asked them for wisdom. I mean, aren’t we all in this together? Let’s lean on each other.

Equipped with a few options, we chose to use the 4-book series, “God’s Design for Sex”. The content of each book progresses with kids as they age.  We read book 1, The Story of Me, to both “Deuce” and our other son, Solomon (age 6). The book explains God’s love and goodness toward all He’s made, the nurturing family as God’s context for love, the proper names of private body parts, and the specialness of God making someone a boy or a girl.

But since we didn’t feel Solomon was quite ready for book 2, Before I Was Born, we chose to read the book to “Deuce” sans brother. I was nervous and but also enthusiastic to have this conversation. I prayed throughout the day and over the table we would sit around later that night.

Markus and I highlighted to “Deuce” this would be a special talk, so special in fact, he would to stay up late on a school night, even after Solomon went to bed! Now, he was all ears.

As we sat down at the table, Markus said this was a conversation about sex and asked what Deuce knew about sex. We are an open book family and the boys tend to share with us topics they and their friends talk about at school, so we didn’t think his friends “got to him” before we did. And to our relief, he didn’t know anything about sex. We emphasized that what we were about to share with him needed to stay between us and not be discussed with his friends at school, nor his brother. But the three of us could continue the conversation anytime he wanted.

Before I Was Born, was straightforward and from a biblical perspective, we were able to explain sexuality, reproduction, and the growth of a baby inside a mom. The authors described girl and boy puberty and showed softened, age-appropriate illustrations, where he could see changes in a man and woman, and even an image of childbirth. The book also made clear God’s perspective of families the way He intended.

We stopped periodically to answer his questions. And I laughed in my heart at “Deuce’s” face when he heard the penis goes inside the vagina. His head jerked backed and his face shriveled in shock.

As we concluded, we reminded him of the private nature of our talk, but “sex” would always be an ongoing discussion within our family, not a “once and done” dialogue.

After we put “Deuce” to bed, I gave Markus a celebratory fist bump. “The sex talk” wasn’t so hard after all. In fact, it was pretty fun to show “Deuce” even more so, how awesome God is.

Books 3 and 4 are for kids ages 8-11 and 11-14, respectively. They will be read to “Deuce” when he is 45. Ok, ok, I’ll be more realistic. Age 32.

As we read Scripture and understand the character of God, we learn sex is to be cherished and bring a married man and women close together. And so, God wants this for your kids too. You can cast a God-sized vision of intimacy to your child, even if you and your spouse struggle in this area. An intimate sexual relationship between your child and their future spouse can make God famous as they live in the joy He meant for sex.

But if a healthy sex life is what God wants, then the enemy wants the opposite—for your kids, for you and your spouse, and for the rest of the world. So, we remember who our enemy really is. “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Ephesians 6:12).

And we pray. We pray against the enemy. We pray our child’s future marital relationship has a healthy view of and experience with sex. We pray the enemy loses any power he has in our own relationship with our spouse so we can experience the beautiful vision of sex we cast to our kids. Don’t believe the lie that it’s too late.

And let’s commit to pray for each other. I imagine if all our kiddos understood sex and the family from God’s perspective, many battles currently being lost in our world, would be won. And God would be glorified and His name made famous.

May you shine the light of Jesus to your kids as you share with them about sex and as you continue to do so. I’m praying for you…

Want the chance to receive a FREE copy of the book we read to “Deuce,” Before I Was Born? Sign up to receive my email newsletter here and you’ll be entered in the drawing!